How to get your partner to use a kind, loving tone

Feeling hurt by the disrespectful tone your partner is using? 

It can be frustrating when you don't understand what you did wrong. 

You may have tried to convey how much this hurts you and asked them to stop, but it keeps happening. 

Let's think about why people use a harsh tone. 

Instead of assuming the worst about them, consider that their tone may be a reaction to how they're feeling, perceiving negative intentions behind your words and actions. 

When they think your intentions are negative, they react to the perceived danger by wanting to stop it immediately. 

Simply telling them to stop won't work. 

 Setting boundaries, threatening to leave the conversation, or using a harsh tone yourself will only lead to a power struggle. 

To disarm defensiveness and aggressiveness, you need to make them feel that you care about their needs and them as a person.

For example, calmly telling them that you have no negative intentions towards them, reminding them that you're not their enemy, and that you care about their needs will completely change the course of the conversation towards more closeness and mutual understanding. 

Making your partner feel safe when you're on the verge of conflict is one of the first steps in the process of communicating your needs. 

There are other steps to this, such as accurately identifying your deeper needs, expressing them in a way that makes your partner feel autonomous, connected, and competent, and setting your partner up for success. 

I will teach you all this in my upcoming course "How to Communicate Your Needs Without Causing a Fight". 

The course will be in an ebook and audio format and will be launched on November 1st, but you can already pre-order it at the early bird price of $27. 

Find out more details here.